It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
