Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
