So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
