is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
