The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
