I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
