have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
