Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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