I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
