I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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