I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
