I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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