Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
