Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
