At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
