Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
