Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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