Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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