Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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