I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
