Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i dont even know how to be here
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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