How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
