My balls are so social today.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Are we still banned from the library?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
