Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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