We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
