Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
