check it out our google latitudes are spooning
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
