come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize