That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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