you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
