we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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