I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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