idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
