Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize