I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
