I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
