aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
