you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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