You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
