Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
