were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
two words: eviction party
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
