Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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