You're completely useless in the revolution.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
