life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
