If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
