I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
