There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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