He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
