Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
