he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
