The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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