Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
