omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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