Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
sex in a hospital.. check
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
