the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Boobs are out for the taking
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
