Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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