is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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