he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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