I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
