I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
