Buhtt sex?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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