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So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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