I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
