Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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