My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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