I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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