I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
