for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
