just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
