dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
