ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize