I got chris browned last night
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
