I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
