the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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