I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
