Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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