You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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