i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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