Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
