Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he thought i was a dude.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
