hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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