I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
