oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize