my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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