Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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