i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
