You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize