I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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