dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
