there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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