I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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