You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
