hell yes lets make some ravioli
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
