You're my little dorito
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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