Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
