It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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