thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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