She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
