If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize