just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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