ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
