I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
accomplished twins. life is a go
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
