i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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