Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
