I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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